How many people are out there in the world?
How many kinds of people are there in the world?
As many as the different stories...
***
I grew up in a family where my mother was mother and father together.
Going back to my oldest memories, I can see myself missing the father figure.
When I was born, he was somewhere in the Pacific. He sent flowers.
The first day of my exams to get into University, he got his luggage and left.
When I succeeded he had hard times at sea-bad weather.
But he was happy and proud-from distance.
When he retired, I left.
Bad timing.
So my childhood was a sequence of welcomes and goodbyes.
And mixed feelings.
To be honest, I showed character-never let it affect me much.
When others were happy, when others were crying, I stayed annoyingly stolid.
When someone had to tell stories about their father, I was the silent one.
Because I met him through short/telegraph-style phone calls and letters.
How much does one have to share with a person he sees once in a while?
Not much and plenty the same time. And there's no time.
I was missing him and I was hating him.
For the stories I couldn't tell because I never had lived them.
For my mother's tears.
Without realising, this was shaping me inside.
I was becoming stiff with people.
Never really had friends, never really let myself connect with people.
Conservative and reserved.
My feelings belonged to me.
My face was usually neutral.
Fear to trust and open myself, fear for people that are temporary, fear for the ones that might unwittingly hurt me.
***
I'm 25 now, trying to compensate for the lost time.
With him.
With myself.
With friends and people around me.
Temporary or not - there will be no exclusions in my choices.
***
If you're asking for a story of mine, this might be one.
Yesterday I learnt yours which helped me understand you.
Our experiences shape us
but the ability to pump strength, goals and inspiration out of them is what defines us.
And suddenly, your workaholism has become admiration in my eyes.
This world needs to change, needs heroes.
You have already done your change and from that point of view
you might already be a hero.
Miss M.
